Episode 6: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
What is the absolute worst way to handle relationship conflict? Do we distort our own memories to make us feel better about our relationship? Are the reasons we’re attracted to someone similar to the reasons we’re attracted to someone else? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind submerges Paul and Eli in an ecstatic fever dream about these fascinating questions.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel.
Intro
1:10: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:45: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
4:00: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
6:10: (Eli) Worst practices for managing conflict
The four horsemen of the marital apocalypse book by Dr. Gottman
Negative reciprocity study by Dr. Margolin
12:50: (Paul) Our relationship experiences are fundamentally bound to a particular person
Relationship evaluations are largely target-specific review from Paul
16:15: (Paul) Much of compatibility is not preordained; it’s the result of effort and luck
Relationship dynamics are not predictable in advance review from Dr. Weigel
18:30: (Eli) Relationship success hinges in part on whether people can overlook their partner’s foibles
Misconceptions in the movie
21:40: (Paul) Relationship-promoting memory distortions in relationships
People misperceive their relationship as getting better study by Dr. Frye
24:05: (Eli) The movie is too cynical about love
“Are we ok with this?”
27:25: (Eli) Is it okay that Mary sends full information to all customers of the memory erasure company (without the consent of the customers)?
28:20: (Paul) If this memory erasure procedure were technically feasible, should it be allowed?
Relationship Quotes!
33:55: (Eli and Paul) Over time, former lovers kind of become strangers
What do we wish we knew?
38:10: (Paul) We associate relationships with objects and places
39:25: (Eli) If we could rerun a relationship from scratch, how similarly would it play out the second time?
42:25: (Eli) Even if we erased explicit memories of a partner, wouldn’t one still have associations with them?
Stars (1–5): Both hosts rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): Both hosts rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil