Episode 27: High Fidelity (2000)

Are mismatched couples doomed? Why is it essential to calibrate our expectations? What happens when we seek closure on past relationships? Paul and Eli revisit High Fidelity—the seminal text that proclaimed “What really matters is what you like” —and find themselves on a semi-traumatic trip down memory lane.

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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel

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Intro

1:00: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?

2:05: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap

3:10: What is our relationship to this movie?

What the movie gets right

6:15: (Eli) The importance of calibrating expectations

• Consider lowering expectations temporarily when life is overwhelming book by Eli

• Perceived superiority is beneficial study by Dr. Rusbult

• Derogating romantic alternatives predicts relationship commitment study by Dr. Johnson

13:15: (Paul) Strengths unique, weaknesses common

• The power of motivated reasoning in relationships review by Dr. Murray

15:25: (Eli) Personal growth and relationship quality

• Divorce rates are higher among people who marry young study by Dr. Rotz

22:05: (Eli) “Romantic readiness” on two time-scales

• Readiness predicts acquiring and maintaining a relationship study by Dr. Agnew

• We are attracted to others who are instrumental for our goals review by Eli

Misconceptions in the movie

24:50: (Paul) Mate-value mismatches don’t predict anything

• The original 1980 study that claimed to find an effect by Dr. White

• The later meta-analysis showing no effect study by Dr. Feingold

• An attraction study showing no matching effects by Dr. Wurst

• An ongoing relationships study showing no effects by Dr. Watson

29:15: (Paul) “What really matters is what you like” is just wrong

• Similarity-matching on interests also doesn’t predict much of anything study by Dr. Tidwell

31:00: (Eli) Sexual and romantic jealousy

• Men are more sexually jealous about real infidelity than women, but the difference is small meta-analysis by Dr. Sagarin

32:40: (Paul) Hot “one-night stands” tend to persist beyond that one night

• The hookups you walk away from are the ‘meh’ ones study by Paul

“Are we ok with this?”

34:30: (Eli) Is sex a “basic human right”?

• A philosophical discussion of the question book by Dr. Srinivasan

35:45: (Paul) The Penny scenes are a tough watch in the full context of the movie

38:30: (Paul) Will Rob be remembered like a 2000s Gordon Gecko (as an appealing antihero)?

Relationship Quotes!

41:30: (Paul) What happens when we interrogate why we want to be with someone?

44:30: (Eli) It’s Marvin Gaye’s fault

What do we wish we knew?

45:05: (Paul) Does a personal crisis make us want to get back together with an ex-partner?

46:40: (Eli) Is it helpful to try to “get closure” on former relationships?

47:40: (Eli) How do friends of the couple respond when the couple breaks up?

Stars (1–5): The hosts rate the quality of the movie

Rusbults (1–5): The hosts rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships

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Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons

Artwork by Katie Keil