Episode 24: 27 Dresses (2008)
What are the risks of being a people pleaser? Why do weddings fall apart? Why is it so important to be authentic in relationships? Paul and Eli try on “27 Dresses” (and decode some Elton John lyrics) in pursuit of some insights.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
1:00: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:05: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
3:25: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
5:40: (Eli) Neglecting our own needs when caring for others is a bad idea
When we forgive somebody who hasn’t made amends, we lose self-respect study by Dr. Luchies
Unmitigated communion doesn’t carry relational benefits meta-analysis by Dr. Le
Healthy communal relationships are not self-sacrificing, or “altruistic,” relationships review by Dr. Clark
10:55: (Paul) It’s hard to say no
People are surprisingly likely to acquiesce to a vandalism request study by Dr. Bohns
13:00: (Eli) It’s important to be authentic in relationships
Honest self-disclosure is a core means of intimacy enhancement review by Dr. Reis
Both partners’ self-disclosures predict intimacy during an interaction study by Dr. Laurenceau
16:25: (Paul) The 21st century wedding is a mid-life “achievement”
Marriage has become a capstone rather than a cornerstone of early adulthood review by Dr. Cherlin
Misconceptions in the movie
17:40: (Paul) Weddings don’t fall apart in a dramatic public takedown
Doubts creep in through wedding planning rituals study by Dr. Monk
19:45: (Eli) It’s hard to reboot a relationship predicated almost entirely on lies
Personality tendencies toward callousness and extreme manipulativeness are relatively stable review by Dr. Morey
When people get back together, they don’t forget their history study by Dr. Dailey
22:30: (Paul) Relationship happiness isn’t about finding a partner who’s pre-packaged with similar attributes
Similarity is largely irrelevant to romantic attraction study by Dr. Tidwell
Having similar personalities is not linked to marital satisfaction study by Dr. Watson
25:05: (Paul) People probably can’t be “too agreeable”
Don’t bank on curvilinear effects of personality study by Dr. Nickel
“Are we ok with this?”
27:05: (Eli) Again with the slapping trope?
27:15: (Eli) Retrograde gender politics
Women are obsessed with romance and don’t prioritize their careers
The “snarky man fixes uptight woman” trope
On the other hand: This time, it’s the woman who does the grand romantic gesture
28:05: (Paul) The movie is better in handling masculinity than in handling femininity
28:30: (Paul) The movie critiques the excesses of the wedding industry, but not much
31:45: (Eli) Is it acceptable to publicly humiliate somebody as a means of settling scores?
Relationship Quotes!
32:55: (Paul) It’s good to have a friend who can help us grow.
34:00: (Eli) Cynicism is cheap
35:40: (Paul) Paul plays a hilarious clip—because he can
What do we wish we knew?
36:30: (Eli) What’s the boundary between being kind and being a doormat?
37:50: (Paul) To what extent do people throw weddings to gain status vs. bring people together?
39:05: (Eli) How do the dynamics with one potential partner influence behavior toward another potential partner?
Stars (1–5): The hosts rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): The hosts rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil