Episode 22: Marriage Story (2019)
What happens when we view marriage in terms of winning and losing? How does divorce affect children? What are the consequences of taking a relationship for granted? Paul and Eli sift through the wreckage in Marriage Story, Noah Baumbach’s lacerating, multiple-Oscar-nominated masterpiece starring Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
0:55: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:15: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
3:30: What is our relationship to this movie?
Mediation is a constructive approach to divorce review by Dr. Emery
What the movie gets right
6:30: (Eli) It’s corrosive to view marriage in terms winning and losing
Competitive people make others more competitive study by Dr. Kelley
9:30: (Paul) Failing to support our partner’s dreams places the relationship at risk
Responsive support bolsters our partner’s happiness and goal success study by Dr. Feeney
Enthusiastic responses to our partner’s successes predict relationship well-being study by Dr. Gable
13:15: (Eli) If we take our relationship for granted, we might lose it
People who appreciate their partner are especially responsive and supportive study by Dr. Gordon
Gratitude is a booster shot for relationships study by Dr. Algoe
Appreciation is among the strongest predictors of relationship quality study by Dr. Joel
16:40: (Paul) Having strong relationship skills only gets you so far
Bad relationship patterns predict relationship dissolution review by Dr. Gottman
20:55: (Paul) Sharp declines in relationship satisfaction precede relationship dissolution
When one partner’s satisfaction starts to decline, the other’s follows study by Dr. Bühler
22:40: (Eli) The partner who is less self-assured might struggle to get their needs met
People who whose needs aren’t met reduce interdependence with their partner study by Dr. Van Lange
26:30: (Paul) Kids usually bounce back okay following their parents’ divorce
Conflict is the thing to worry about, not divorce per se review by Dr. Cao
Bad consequences of divorce are sometimes due to shared genes study by Dr. D’Onofrio
Misconceptions in the movie
30:10 (Paul) Do multi-issue negotiations often boil down to a single incompatible issue?
33:20 (Paul) The idea of a “good father” has been around for a very long time
Female choice “de-weaponized” ancestral men and made them good dads book by Dr. Prum
34:45 (Eli): Having a parent who adores one’s partner typically buffers the relationship
Support from friends and family is linked to stronger relationships study by Dr. Sinclair
“Are we ok with this?”
36:00: (Paul) When a couple is struggling, how can they decide whether to work harder or bail?
38:50: (Eli) Everything in this movie is a moral quandary. (Is it ever okay to break into a partner’s email, to have extramarital sex, etc.?)
39:20: (Eli) Is it unethical to change in ways that make the marriage untenable—or to fail to accommodate such changes in our partner?
Relationship Quotes!
42:00: (Paul) Everything is like everything in a relationship
It’s hard to self-report anything other than relationship quality study by Dr. Kim
What do we wish we knew?
44:35: (Eli) If one partner suddenly “glows up,” how does that effect the relationship?
47:45: (Paul) Can our friends be so partisan on our behalf that they turn us against our partner?
Following a transgression, close friends of the “victim” are less forgiving than the victim themselves study by Dr. Green
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil