Episode 21: Groundhog Day (1993)
Can interactions with strangers fulfill our need to belong? Does ironic detachment mask attachment insecurity? Should we try to change ourselves into somebody else’s ideal partner? Paul and Eli immerse themselves, again and again, in Groundhog Day, the timeless philosophical redemption tale starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
1:30: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:20: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
3:35: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
7:20: (Eli) Insecure attachment sometimes masquerades as cynical indifference
Attachment styles vary along two dimensions study by Dr. Bartholomew
People with a “dismissing” attachment style (low anxiety, high avoidance) are fearful of rejection study by Dr. Fraley
11:45: (Paul) Trying to craft ourselves into someone’s ideal partner is a fool’s errand
14:00: (Eli) We don’t have much insight into why we’re attracted to certain people
People are motivated to redefine the meaning of partner attributes (e.g., fun) study by Paul
The qualities that appeal to us change as we age and grow book by Eli
17:30: (Eli) Phil Connor’s sexually inappropriate comments land with a thud
18:25: (Paul) People’s initial impressions of potential partners fluctuate significantly
Relationship effects are unstable book by Dr. Kenny
Misconceptions in the movie
20:55 (Paul) It’s impossible to satisfy the human need to belong by interacting with strangers
Humans have a fundamental need to belong review by Dr. Baumeister
People can meet some of this need through parasocial relationships review by Dr. Gardner
26:15 (Eli) Women don’t need a marriage proposal to feel okay about having sex with a new partner
Women are quite receptive to casual sex, as long as the offer is enticing study by Dr. Conley
27:15 (Paul) It typically takes more than a day to turn a potential partner’s disgust into meaningful attraction
Trajectories rise gradually study by Paul
28:30 (Eli) The absurdity of the happily-ever-after conceit reaches its apotheosis in this film
29:30 (Eli) Becoming a better person doesn’t guarantee romantic success
A more promising path is growing your social network study by Dr. Connolly
“Are we ok with this?”
32:05: (Paul) Movies need to stop suggesting that there’s only one acceptable way to be a man
35:25: (Eli) This is yet another story of a man’s growth and change, and the woman’s role is to be the feminine ideal
37:45: (Eli) The core message of the film—that we build a meaningful life by being good—stands tall
Relationship Quotes!
38:55: (Paul) Planning a perfect date is arduous and risky
39:45: (Eli) It’s anguishing to share a beautiful experience with someone who won’t remember it
41:35: (Paul) Truly knowing a person is about so much more than awareness of their traits
What do we need to know to know a person review by Dr. McAdams
What do we wish we knew?
44:00: (Eli) How much does an overlapping biography (“We went to high school together!”) promote attraction?
Stars (1–5): The hosts rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): The hosts rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships.
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil