Episode 20: Hitch (2005)
Is striving to avoid mistakes a good romantic strategy? Can couples who are mismatched on hotness get together? Does relationship success require that you be a desirable person? Paul and Eli dust off Hitch, the 2005 rom-com vehicle for Will Smith and Eva Mendes, in search of answers.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
1:15: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:10: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
3:20: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
7:20: (Eli) Being hypervigilant to avoid mistakes is a bad romantic strategy
Perfectionism is linked to relationship dissatisfaction meta-analysis by Dr. Hamedani
Striving to avoid bad outcomes predicts relationship difficulties review by Dr. Gable
10:20: (Paul) Attraction is mostly about being appealing to this person, not being a generally desirable partner
Confidence is sexy study by Dr. Li
Romantic attraction is mostly idiosyncratic study by Paul
14:30: (Paul) Couples are less likely to match on physical attractiveness if they knew each other before dating
Longer acquaintance length predicts less attractiveness-matching study by Dr. Hunt
17:15: (Eli) It’s important to ingratiate ourselves with our partner’s friends
Our partner is happier insofar as we prioritize their/shared friends study by Dr. Canary
18:40: (Paul): Being surprising is a good pickup tactic; being insulting is not
20:00: (Eli): Heartache can make us emotionally avoidant
We adopt an avoidance mindset after encountering relationship difficulties study by Dr. Cavallo
Our attachment avoidance is elevated on days when we feel more rejected by our partner study by Dr. Haak
Misconceptions in the movie
20:45: (Paul) Learning skills to be more attractive is ok; singlemindedly pursuing one specific person is dubious
Intentionally becoming friends with someone to attract them is rarely effective study by Dr. Stinson
Idiosyncratic appeal is mostly created in tandem with someone else review by Paul
23:05: (Eli) Being condescending is a bad seduction strategy
We get upset when our spouse is condescending to us study by Dr. Buss
Condescending behavior is a “social allergen” in relationships study by Dr. Cunningham
24:30: (Paul) Getting rejected generally doesn’t mean a man should just try harder
In unrequited love, pursuers are far more relentless than they realize study by Dr. Baumeister
It’s hard to reject a suitor study by Dr. Bohns
People overestimate their willingness to reject partners study by Dr. Joel
On-again/off-again relationships are common study by Dr. Dailey
29:40: (Eli) Falling in love is typically an unfolding process, not a lightning bolt
“Are we ok with this?”
30:40: (Paul) It’s gross to pretend that a woman is special in order to sleep with her
32:35: (Eli) It’s gross to rig elaborate scenarios to manipulate a woman’s attraction
33:20: (Eli) Once again, here’s the trope a man should refuse to accept no for an answer
34:40: (Paul) Hitch’s reaction to kissing Albert feels homophobic
35:30: (Eli) Once again, here’s the trope that the man is the pursuer and the woman is the pursued
Relationship Quotes!
36:55: (Paul) Passionate love hurts
38:05: (Eli) If we’ve gotten lukewarm vibes from our crush, should we just let it rest?
39:35: (Paul) Being open to change is good; believing that “we’re not enough” is bad
What do we wish we knew?
41:00: (Eli) Even if we have others to “sculpt us” in productive ways, we still need to tailor their influence so it fits
42:00: (Paul) It’d be cool to run a first-date study in which a “dating expert” gives participants real-time guidance through an earpiece
42:50: (Eli) On a first date, what’s the optimal blend of authenticity and self-presentation?
43:30: (Paul) Are we more attracted to otherwise-perfect people if they commit a small pratfall?
Stars (1–5): The hosts rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): The hosts rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships.
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil