Episode 16: Say Anything (1989) with Laurie Santos
What are the benefits of optimism? How do people transfer attachments from parents to romantic partners? What exactly counts as stalking? Paul and Eli team up with Laurie Santos (Yale professor and host of The Happiness Lab podcast) to dive into the nice-guy manifesto Say Anything, starring (sigh) John Cusack and Ione Skye.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
1:10: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:25: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
3:35: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
6:30 (Laurie) The power of optimism
The Roger Bannister effect essay by Mr. Taylor
10:05: (Eli) Social reality is reality
The reality of the world is sustained in conversations with significant others review by Dr. Berger
We need epistemic companions to understand reality review by Dr. Rossignac-Milon
Talking to your teenage kids about sex review by Dr. Pariera
14:40: (Paul) Young adults’ attachment bonds with parents and partners
The progression of attachment bond from parent to romantic partner study by Dr. Fraley
Network support buffers against breakup meta-analysis by Dr. Le
17:50: (Laurie) We don’t pick people based on just their looks and status
The computer dance study by Dr. Hatfield (formerly Walster)
Nice guys and girls finish first speed-dating study by Dr. Wu
Confidence is sexy study by Dr. Li
21:25: (Eli) The movie debunks several attraction myths
Perceived, not actual, similarity is what matters study by Dr. Tidwell
People align their attitudes to their partner study by Dr. Davis
24:00: (Paul) The movie illustrates how guys who are friends with women do well in dating
Number of female friends predicts less hostile sexism study by Dr. Jenkins
Larger other-gender networks predict a greater likelihood of forming a relationship study by Dr. Connolly
Misconceptions in the movie
26:55: (Laurie) Is Lloyd stalking Diane?
Receiving unwanted phone calls is more distressing than people realize study by Dr. Sheridan
33:45: (Eli) Making “forever” promises early on is risky
36:05: (Eli) Relationships aren’t easy after the early turbulence
“Are we ok with this?”
39:35: (Laurie) Diane’s obligation to her dad might be missed by teenagers today
42:00: (Paul) Did Gen-Xers think this was the way to motivate your kids to achieve?
Young people socialize less these days study by Dr. Twenge
Relationship Quotes!
44:10: (Laurie) Corey has great wisdom about what it means to have sex with someone
45:55: (Eli) Lloyd is unmoored by the end of his relationship
We lose our sense of ourselves in the wake of a breakup study by Dr. Slotter
What do we wish we knew?
47:15: (Eli) How should people react when they mistrust a loved one?
49:35: (Paul) How do dates work when two people are sporadically interacting (e.g., at a party)?
50:55: (Laurie) Did Lloyd and Diane get together at the right time?
The intimacy supercharging procedure study by Dr. Aron
Stars (1–5): Laurie, Paul, and Eli rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): Laurie, Paul, and Eli rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil