Episode 15: Pretty Woman (1990) with Katy Milkman
How does a transactional mindset undermine relationship well-being? What’s the nature of stereotypes? How can we tie our hands to achieve our goals? Paul and Eli invite Katy Milkman (Wharton professor and host of the Choiceology podcast) to discuss Pretty Woman, a Cinderella tale featuring Julia Roberts in a star-making performance.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
1:10: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:05: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
3:35: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
9:00: (Katy) Stereotypes profoundly influence how we treat others (Hollywood Blvd. vs. “Rodeo Drive, Baby!”)
Equally qualified Black job interviewees get fewer job offers audit study by Dr. Pager
Discrimination in academia audit study by Dr. Milkman
13:20: (Eli) The distinction between short-term and long-term mating motivations is fuzzy
Early on, people don’t know if they are in a short-term or long-term relationship study by Paul
In prostitution, repeat clientele is the norm, not the exception essay by Mr. Westerhoff
16:40: (Katy) One way people try to achieve their goals is by limiting their options (“Don’t kiss on the lips”)
Classic savings pre-commitment study by Dr. Thaler
How people can make better decisions review by Dr. Milkman
Tying Odysseus to the mast study by Dr. Ashraf
Hookup culture and the motivation to avoid “catching feelings” book by Dr. Wade
22:05: (Paul) The perils of conflating communal and exchange/contractual motivations in a relationship
The nature of communal and exchange relationships review by Dr. Clark
People want - and are happier in - communal relationships study by Dr. Clark
We’re attracted to potential partners who ask us for help study by Dr. Teng
Misconceptions in the movie
25:30: (Eli) Fairytale beliefs tend to be harmful
Bad consequences of “benevolent-sexist” beliefs (that women should be cherished and protected by men) study by Dr. Hammond
Benevolent-sexist beliefs benefit men but harm women study by Dr. Hammond
28:15: (Paul) Streetwalking is the most dangerous form of prostitution; it’s not the romantic form depicted here
The oppression and empowerment paradigms in research on prostitution review by Dr. Weitzer
“Are we ok with this?”
31:15: (Katy) The film doesn’t adequately engage with sexual assault or the moral complexities surrounding prostitution
33:30: (Paul) The direction of growth for the characters (Edward grows a lot; Vivian doesn’t) leans into the stereotype of women as help-mates.
35:15: (Eli) The harmful aspects of the Cinderella storyline are exacerbated by the actors’ age difference (Gere is 40; Roberts is 22).
35:40: (Eli) The “sucking up” scene on Rodeo Drive depicts forcing service workers’ subservience to the wealthy as a good thing
Relationship Quotes!
38:15: (Katy) “Slippery little suckers”!
38:50: (Eli) We habituate to good treatment from our partner, which can make us appreciate it less
40:15: (Katy) “Rodeo Drive, Baby!” “Cinde-fucking-rella!” “Very few people surprise me.”
43:00: (Paul) The perils of conflating communal and exchange motives in relationships
What do we wish we knew?
44:30: (Katy) In relationships, when is it good or bad to be surprised by our partner?
Cultivating a sense of mystery about your partner blog post by Dr. Perel
46:30: (Katy) What happens when the story we tell ourselves about our relationship aligns with “the hero’s journey”?
The “hero’s journey” narrative and meaning in life study by Dr. Rogers
Adopting a “narrative identity” lens helps to understand romantic relationships review by Dr. Bühler
49:30: (Eli) When and why is it pleasurable for us to expose our partner to a new experience?
50:00: (Eli) What motivations influence our decision to tell our partner we love them, especially for the first time?
Stars (1–5): Katy, Paul, and Eli rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): Katy, Paul, and Eli rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships
Photos from Eli’s trip to the Garry Marshall exhibit at Northwestern:
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil