Episode 10: Her (2013)
What does it mean to share your life with someone? How does sexual compatibility work? Can new relationships help us get over old ones? Paul and Eli consider these questions, and more, in their analysis of “Her,” Spike Jonze’s 2013 boy-meets-operating-system romance starring Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
1:00: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:30: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
3:45: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
6:25: (Eli) What roles do partners play in eliciting each other’s identities?
Michelangelo effect review by Eli
11:40: (Eli) What makes romantic partners sexually compatible (or not)?
Sexual desire book by Dr. Lehmiller
16:25: (Paul) Humans need to share experiences together
Humans are cooperative breeders with theory of mind review by Dr. Burkart
Shared reality study by Dr. Rossignac-Milon
21:30: (Eli) How do we feel after a breakup?
Personal growth after breakup study by Dr. Tashiro
Women in bad marriages become happier after divorce study by Dr. Bourassa
23:45: (Paul) Some people are more judgmental than others of new ways of dating
Misconceptions in the movie
25:30: (Eli) The movie is too cynical about love
29:40: (Eli) Theodore’s blind date feels more like a male stereotype than a fleshed-out woman
“Are we ok with this?”
30:50: (Paul) The corporate interests behind Samantha are likely to cause harm
33:45: (Eli) There are ethical landmines in building empathic A.I.s that serve as relationship partners but lack freedom
Relationship Quotes!
38:35: (Paul and Eli) The joys and perils of personal growth in relationships
41:55: (Paul) Being a sensitive dude is good for relationships
Communal motivation and relationship quality meta-analysis by Dr. Le
What do we wish we knew?
43:50: (Paul) Will empathic A.I.s promote or undermine human welfare?
45:00: (Paul) If one falls in love with a new partner, does that mean one has less love available for an existing partner?
Consensual nonmonogamy study by Dr. Conley
47:50: (Eli) What are the most constructive ways of breaking up?
Piecing yourself together after a divorce book by Dr. Slotter
Stars (1–5): Both hosts rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): Both hosts rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil