Episode 1: When Harry Met Sally (1989)
How does the trajectory of a relationship unfold over time? What does a good apology look like? Can men and women actually be friends? Paul and Eli unpack the themes of the genre-redefining masterpiece: When Harry Met Sally.
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Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel
Intro
1:00: (Eli) Who are the characters and couples?
2:25: (Paul) 1-minute plot recap
3:45: What is our relationship to this movie?
What the movie gets right
5:45: (Eli) Harry’s impressive apology skills
8:10: (Paul) Typical relationship development looks a lot like what Harry and Sally experience.
Friends-first initiation study by Dr. Stinson
Relationship trajectory study by Paul
Friends experiencing attraction study by Dr. Kaplan
Benefits of opposite-gender friendships study by Dr. Bleske-Rechek
15:50: (Eli) The “orgasm gap” is lost on Harry
Women get worse sex review by Dr. Conley
17:45: (Paul) Motivated reasoning by Harry, coming to love Sally’s idiosyncrasies
Seeing virtues in faults study by Dr. Murray
Inclusion of the other in the self study by Dr. Aron
20:50: (Paul) Conversations are chaotic and random
Misconceptions in the movie
23:15: (Eli) Harry and Sally live in an NYC upper-class fantasyland
“Are we ok with this?”
24:15: (Paul) When is it morally suspect to keep opposite-gender friends for later dating possibilities?
25:50: (Eli) Some content aged badly
26:30: (Eli) This message of this movie vis a vis single-ism
Research overestimates the benefits of marriage review by Dr. DePaulo
Who are the happy singles? review by Dr. Girme
Relationship Quotes!
30:45: (Paul) Harry’s speech on New Year’s Eve
31:45: (Eli) Harry’s and Sally’s different perspectives on sex after the fact
32:45: (Paul) Sally realizes Joe didn’t want to marry her
What do we wish we knew?
33:50: (Eli) What does it mean when people say they’re “not ready” for a relationship?
Relationship readiness study by Dr. Hadden
35:05: (Paul) Is online dating displacing the patterns we see in this movie?
36:15: (Eli) What are the implications of having sex with a friend?
Friends-with-benefits study by Dr. Machia.
38:45: (Eli) Does relationship dissatisfaction precede or follow infidelity?
Infidelity study by Dr. Stavrova
Stars (1–5): Both hosts rate the quality of the movie
Rusbults (1–5): Both hosts rate the accuracy of the movie’s ideas about relationships
Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons
Artwork by Katie Keil